Meet the “boomerang generation” — those 20- and 30-somethings who left you with an empty nest when they went out into this big world with big dreams and student debt, only to boomerang right back into their childhood bedrooms. Many boomerangers are returning from that “greener pasture” adventure and experience. Maybe you have a boomeranger lounging on your couch right now, unable to pay or mysteriously allergic to rent. They’ve got the degree, seen the world, but getting a job in this country is not for the faint-hearted, and so they are back, living with (or off) their folks, rediscovering the joys of a stocked fridge and free Wi-Fi.
You either want to laugh or cry, or both, because although it can be a truly joyful time having the fledgelings back, this situation can be severely impacting your pocket and your plans.
Jack, a 68-year old pensioner, is beside himself with worry. While he loves having his 25-year old daughter home after a three year stint in the UK, he is having to assist his adult daughter financially, and this he simply cannot afford, and this situation is causing him a serious headache.
Let us not forget that “boomerangers” are a global phenomenon. The primary reasons for this trend are economic and in South Africa result from the huge youth unemployment – currently sitting at 45.5% which means that half of the young people in this country who are looking for work are not able to find work. Other reasons include a job market that is incredibly competitive, a declining middle-class income, retrenchment is on the rise, the diminishing advantage of a degree, and the high cost of property.
Marge, a 72-year old retiree, was ecstatic when her son arrived back home, with his wife and young baby. “My husband and I were well aware that getting on to the first rung of the property ladder would be almost impossible for our son and his family. We couldn’t help financially, but what we could do, and we put agreements in place, were to share costs, but not charge them rent. The rent that they would have had to pay elsewhere, needed to be saved, as a future deposit for a home. I am happy to say that that situation worked very well. We loved having them under our roof for a year, and they are now proud home-owners with a lovely home of their own”.
YEI asked the experts what to do if 55-plussers find themselves in a “boomerang” situation
• Discuss your financial situation and challenges with a financial advisor. Financial advisors have the experience to help you tailor your financial plan despite this bump in the road. Your Financial advisor will also assist you in developing a timeline to reduce and pay off debt, rather than getting into a situation where you increase debt during the boomerang phase.
• Don’t change your financial goals, but accept the fact that you need to change your plans in order to achieve those goals.
• It’s essential to be open about finances, as your boomeranger will then better understand what you can and can’t afford.
The positives and negatives of the boomerang phenomenon
Despite some of the ugly names given to boomerangers – “the comeback kids”, “parasite singles” and “fridge raiders”, there are many positives to this situation. This includes stronger family bonds, contribution to the household expenses, help with chores around the house, and a safe and supportive environment for the boomerangers.
Negatives that need to be avoided at all cost, are strained relationships, a culture of dependency and entitlement, signing surety on your childrens’ loans, conflict over financial contributions, sibling tension or resentment, loss of independence and self-esteem.
The bottom line is to be generous to your boomerangers when it comes to moral support, while holding back on financial generosity. Set clear boundaries and deadlines. Provide the benefit of your wisdom and expertise without being patronising. Ensure that this turns out to be a memorable part of your lives with your nest being seen as a safe harbour where your child can prepare and retool for this harsh world we all live in.
Are you, or have you been, in this situation?
We would love to hear your experiences – do share your thoughts in the comments below
A YEI article
I guess I could consider myself a “boomeranger”. I’d set my sights on going overseas, I loved my life there and the job that I had. Unfortunately, the country I was in did not make it easy to stay, so even after trying numerous ways to get citizenship and failing at that, my folks suggested coming back home to SA. Unfortunately, they were also supporting another of my siblings who was still studying and who also in the meantime had decided to have a large family…we ended up taking care of my sibling and pouring all of our time, funds and energy into taking care of them. Years later, post Covid and all the stress that added to our tourism business – I am still living in my folks home, not out of choice, but because I genuinely can’t afford to build a place of my own yet. I am also too embarressed to even try having a relationship with someone, until such time as I am financial “stable” so to speak – I am now in my 40’s. Thankfully I will be paying my final Covid loan off to the bank this month, so hopefully thing will start looking up for both myself and my parents going forwards!
Hi Jack – firstly, thank you so much for your wonderful, open, thoughtful response and your perspective as a “boomeranger”.
Thank you for sharing that—it sounds like you’ve been through an incredibly challenging journey, and I really admire your resilience. Life doesn’t always go the way we plan, and it’s clear you’ve made a lot of sacrifices out of love and responsibility, which says a lot about your character. Paying off that final Covid loan is a massive milestone—congratulations! I truly hope this is the beginning of a new chapter for you, with more space to focus on yourself and the future you want to build. You absolutely deserve some ease and happiness ahead.
We know it’s tough for young people out there in this crazy world, especially in this country. And to get on the property ladder is so, so hard. We wish you all of the best, and hope that you will share your ongoing journey with us in the future.
The YEI Team
Comment from Anonymous:
My sister-in-law and my mother-in -law are experiencing something similar when the son (grandson to my mother-in-law could not hold down a job and moved back in firstly with his mother and now my mother-in-law (his grandma). He went through 6 or so new jobs and was fired from most of them. He’s full of entitlement, demotivation, and world resentment.
now he, his girlfriend, 2 children (7 & 4) and his future mother-in-law all live with grandma after sponging off of his mother for years. Tough love is the only way we think this could be changed however neither grandma or sister-in-law see the purpose of this. So grandma has burnt through her life savings and is living on the edge at 81 years old. He also does absolutly nothing around the house nor does his girlfriend and her mother basically looks after the kids (waking them up, getting them to school, fed and clothed) and grandm feeds and houses them all under her roof.
The situation is also causing friction within the other family members as financial support is often sought from the extended family, all of which are financially tight as they are on retirement too.
Any suggestions or guidance welcomed.
Stuck & frustrated (Pretoria).